The Sex Trials
by Devilzzz
Summary: Who slept with who? Who's straight, and who's gay? And, what exactly, do Harry's boxers conceal within?Who's...pregnant?! Will Mione ever get the third book from Amazon.com? COMPLETED!!!
1. Chapter One

The Sex Trials  
  
Disclaimer: I am using the innocent materials of J.K. Rowling to disripute my demented mind :)  
  
Summary: Four teens (Ginny,Harry,Draco and Ron)are accused by er- four other teens (Hermione,Neville,Pansy and Seamus).Who slept with who? Who's straight, and who's gay? And, what exactly, do Harry's boxers conceal within?Who had sex with the condom? And most importantly...who does the pregnancy test belong to, especially if it's positive?  
  
Directions: Illusions or reality? Dreams, or late night strolls? Within each chapter, you will find a smutty evening with a couple. Each evening holds a hint; of who's sleeping with who, and who's pregnant. It's for you to find out. And in the end, you'll see if you were right...God, I sound so damn lame! There's some slash in this too, so if you can't stand to watch a minute of "Cruel Intentions" I don't think this is a healthy dose of fanfiction for you.  
  
  
  
"Hermione, I swear! I would never lay a finger on her!" Harry bellowed, pleadingly to his seventeen year old girlfriend, Hermione Granger.  
  
"If you didn't, then how come I found your boxers under her pillow?" Hermione demanded, her usually untamed hair surfacing to the right side of her face. Her face held a glare, a scolding scowl that unleashed pure evil.  
  
"Look, he never slept with me, all right, Mione. Gawd, get a hold of yourself, woman!" Ginny Weasley cried behind him, her hands on her hips, with an exasperated sigh.  
  
"Then what about the boxers?" Hermione challenged. Ginny winced slightly and then let out a soft sigh.  
  
"I found them- in his drawers, nearby his bed. Thought, you know, something to get me through the night, you know." Ginny's saddening tale brought Hermione a little dose of sympathy.  
  
"Oh, Ginny, I never knew!" Hermione said, giving her best friend a tight hug.  
  
"Uh hello? Accused innocent male here!" Harry said, his hands waving in fury.  
  
"Oh right. Sorry Harry..." said Hermione, grinning sheepishly. Embarrassed, she pulled her unwiddowing boyfriend into a tight embrace. Neither noticed, that Ginny was slowly backing away into a distance; and in an instance, she was gone.  
  
*  
  
"Thought my boxers were his, did she?" a voice rang in Ginny's ear.  
  
"Well, yes. I guess I never threw them out after our last little encounter, what was it, in July?" she said seductivley, turning around and placing her small timid fingers on his shoulders, massaging them with immense delight.  
  
"Mmmm, guess not," he replied with his usual smile. Wrapping his arms around her small hips, he leaned foward so that his lips brushed against hers softly.  
  
He let go; sounding out the extreme complaints of Ginny.  
  
"Quiet down, Gin. I have one little question."  
  
Raising her eyebrows that her boyfriend would actually want to 'talk' during their foreplay, she nodded reluctantly.  
  
"Do you know how long we haven't 'been together' my little Gin-Gin?" he said in a drawl. Ginny shrugged.  
  
"Yes, it's been a while-" she started, but her boyfriend didn't let her finish.  
  
"Actually, my Gin, it's been nearly six months. Six months. Hmm, my a long time to wait, isn't it?" he drawled.  
  
"What's your point?" asked Ginny impatiently.  
  
"My point is, since we have not slept together in six months, how come, I found this, under your bed, two weeks ago?" He pulled out a small package from his pocket, which was yellow and orange decor. It said "Trojan" in black letters in the front, with small little letters using the word "Condom".  
  
"I-I- was planning, you know, for us." Ginny's voice wavered at the slightest, her eyes lighted with a tinge of fear.  
  
"Oh really? Quite clever concept you come up with, my little Gin-Gin. Except, the fact, that you had no idea when we would meet again. After all, we did only date six months ago; you told me you'd wait for me."  
  
"I did! See, I prepared, and everything-" Ginny said quickly.  
  
"See, that would be so easy to believe except the fact that I saw a figure come out of your dormroom one night-" He said, grinning successfully.  
  
"I never cheated on you, I swear. Do you think of me as a whore?" Ginny said innocently.  
  
"Perhaps you are, my little Gin. Do you know, what is trapped inside my closet right now, Ginny?" he questioned mysteriously.  
  
"Uh-old socks?" Ginny guessed.  
  
He scowled at her. "Yes, but there is something else. Actually, someone else. The exact someone else you've been sleeping with for the last six months!" he yelled dramatically.  
  
"Alohomora!" he cried out. Nothing happend.  
  
"Uh, you forgot your wand," Ginny said, pouring into uncontrollable giggles.  
  
"Oh right. Damnit, that was gonna be a dramatic moment!" he scowled.  
  
Ginny's giggles loudened.  
  
The spell was said once again, secured with the wand with wrapped in his fingers.  
  
The closet door swung open.  
  
"The one, you've been sleeping with, for the last six months! Draco Malfoy!" he said as a figure fell out.  
  
The shadows and darkness covered the figure, and Ginny squinted her eyes in worry, seeing the figure step out clumsily.  
  
The silver hair glistened under the hood.  
  
*  
  
Haha, thought Ginny's boyfriend was Draco,himself, huh? Your first clue was in the beginning two paragraphs of the story. Think closely, use your common sense. What's there, whats not? Why would Hermione snoop under Ginny's pillow?; and when would she have the chance? Mmmm... and of course, I gave you clues all over. My little Gin-Gin? Think closely now, why would Draco ever call Ginny that? Who's Ginny's boyfriend, and is Draco Malfoy the one Ginny's been sleeping with, while cheating on her boyfriend?Or is it someone else? And why would Hermione think they were Harry's boxers? Mmmm... think closely, think closely now. Leave your guesses in your reviews (I hope there are some) but I won't respond to them; don't want to give it away. Remember, this story is a freestyle-romance shipping. Anything's possible...*evil grin*  
  
I'll be awaiting your reviews if you are friendly enough to give them to me; ~Court 


	2. Chapter Two

The Sex Trials  
  
Disclaimer: I am using the innocent materials of J.K. Rowling to disripute my demented mind :)  
  
Summary: Four teens (Ginny,Harry,Draco and Ron)are accused by er- four other teens (Hermione,Neville,Pansy and Seamus).Who slept with who? Who's straight, and who's gay? And, what exactly, do Harry's boxers conceal within?Who had sex with the condom? And most importantly...who does the pregnancy test belong to, especially if it's positive?  
  
Directions: Illusions or reality? Dreams, or late night strolls? Within each chapter, you will find a smutty evening with a couple. Each evening holds a hint; of who's sleeping with who, and who's pregnant. It's for you to find out. And in the end, you'll see if you were right...God, I sound so damn lame! There's some slash in this too, so if you can't stand to watch a minute of "Cruel Intentions" I don't think this is a healthy dose of fanfiction for you.  
  
  
  
"Draco?" Ginny shrieked.  
  
"Aha! So you do know him!" said Seamus, looking rather smug.  
  
"Everyone knows me, Finnigan. Now let me go," Draco drawled.  
  
"Wait a minute! Does this mean you haven't been sleeping with him?" Seamus asked, confused.  
  
"Of course not!" Ginny said, rolling her eyes.  
  
"Then, who is it?" Seamus demanded.  
  
"Um, hello? Did you forget charming,handsome,conceited me, standing on the corner over here?" Draco drawled. "By the way, why does the author of of this story ALWAYS make me drawl? I mean, I am not a lion, or something, right?"  
  
"I don't know. But let's get to the point. Who were you sleeping with?"  
  
"You really don't want to know," Ginny mumbled.  
  
"C'mon now, tell me who it is!" Seamus ordered inwardly.  
  
"Okay...it's.."  
  
Silence.  
  
"Uh, I think the author was supposed to leave this as a cliffhanger," Draco informed them.  
  
"Ah, okay. Break, everyone! Thank God, Draco, now you can get a breath mint. You stink like hell."  
  
*  
  
Hermione Granger was a clever girl. She was strict about rules, loyal about friendship, and smart about homework. And sinful about romance. Her 'steady' boyfriend was the well known Harry Potter, and they had been in a very good relationship for a long, nice, time. But, alas, there had to be something else. Harry Potter was rather boring actually, and although they found their conversations interesting, he never seemed very adventerous in bed, persay.  
  
As she sprayed perfume near her neck and behind her ears, she examined herself in the mirror. It was midnight, so she didn't need to worry if her other dormates would catch her. She was wearing frilly, loose, pink robes that reached above her knees and had short, slim sleeves. Her hair was twirled into a smooth ponytail that swayed gracefully back and forth, and her lip gloss shined in the darkness, along with her blush.  
  
Gathering her posture, she walked out of her dorm and outside of the Gryffindor common room and into the halls. She smelled the air around her, it was great to be free in the halls again, she had gotten so tired of the smell of lipstick and several other tubes of makeup and cherry perfume that her dormates owned.  
  
As she walked around softly, careful not to let her pink heels make any noise, she could have sworn she had heard footsteps behind her. However, as she turned around, she saw nothing. Shrugging in relief, she opened the knob to a deserted classroom that used to be used for old cauldrons and other storage of books. Getting in, she heard a voice say, "Took you long enough."  
  
"Sorry, but Cecila kept waking up and asking for some spare nail polish. I finally put her with a sleeping charm. Hope I didn't miss anything?" Hermione said, smiling at her.  
  
"No, of course not, how could I do it by myself?" said the girl with a chuckle. She stepped out into the darkness, her black hair gleaming in the backround.  
  
"Aha!" another familiar voice yelled.  
  
As the two girls turned around, they saw Harry, pointing at them, with a sock.  
  
dum dum dum...  
  
"Hey, what's that weird music?" Hermione asked curiously.  
  
* 


	3. Chapter Three

The Sex Trials  
  
Disclaimer: I am using the innocent materials of J.K. Rowling to disripute my demented mind :)  
  
Summary: Four teens (Ginny,Harry,Draco and Ron)are accused by er- four other teens (Hermione,Neville,Pansy and Seamus).Who slept with who? Who's straight, and who's gay? And, what exactly, do Harry's boxers conceal within?Who had sex with the condom? And most importantly...who does the pregnancy test belong to, especially if it's positive?  
  
Directions: Illusions or reality? Dreams, or late night strolls? Within each chapter, you will find a smutty evening with a couple. Each evening holds a hint; of who's sleeping with who, and who's pregnant. It's for you to find out. And in the end, you'll see if you were right...God, I sound so damn lame! There's some slash in this too, so if you can't stand to watch a minute of "Cruel Intentions" I don't think this is a healthy dose of fanfiction for you.  
"So anyways, J.K. made me take my freaking favorite red marker and just draw a scar...I mean, is she kidding herself, or what?"  
  
"I totally agree, Harry, although she's brilliant, she needs to stop stalking HP characters...and who's this devilzzz girl? I hear she's crazy...and she's making these weird fics about us..."  
  
"Worse than the story where Ron becomes gay."  
  
"Exactly! Everyone can see he already is," said the mysterious black haired girl.  
  
"ACTION!"  
  
"Oh right," said Harry, shifting his robes again and picking up the sock from the floor and pointing it accusingly at Hermione. The lights dim.  
  
"Oh, Harry, I never meant to make you find out this way!" said Hermione, covering her face with her hands dramatically.  
  
The lights brightened a bit.  
  
"Hey, how the hell did that happen?" Harry asked, surprised.  
  
"Shut the hell up, Harry, and pay attention to the fic, okay? I STILL haven't read Prisoner of Azkaban yet, and it just arrived from Amazon."  
  
"Oh, you should, it's so damn good...better than the second Harry Potter movie."  
  
"Anyways," Harry said, nonchantly, looking at the black haired girl and gasped.  
  
"Cho!"  
  
Cho covered her face with her hands like Hermione.  
  
"Oh, it's true, it's true, Harry! Me and Hermione have been planning this for months!"  
  
"Aha! I knew it...I can't believe my two favorite girls are getting it on without me!" Harry groaned.  
  
Cho and Hermione both unconcealed their eyes.  
  
"What're you talking about?" Cho asked, her eyebrows raised.  
  
"Yeah, Harry, we're not getting it on."  
  
"Wait a minute..." Harry said, puzzled. "If you weren't planning to sleep together, then WHAT are you doing?"  
  
"We- we have a doublefmfo," Hermione mumbled.  
  
"What? Can't hear you."  
  
"We have a double date, dumbass!" she yelled.  
  
He gasped.  
  
"What?! But I'm supposed to be your steady boyfriend!"  
  
"Yes well...Tubby asked me out ...and I couldn't help myself..." Hermione blushed.  
  
"Tubby?" Harry repeated blankly.  
  
"Tubby," Hermione said, looking at him warily. "Tubby the house-elf."  
  
*****SHORT CHAPTER ENDING******  
*Uncanny and gay announcer's voice* This chapter will end short, since you will be finding out who Ginny slept with in the next chapter, and who Cho's double date was supposed to be. For more information on Tubby the House Elf, go to or go to my user profile and read "The Attack of The House Elves". Thank you, and good night. Next on Fraiser.... 


	4. Chapter Four

The Sex Trials  
  
Disclaimer: I am using the innocent materials of J.K. Rowling to disripute my demented mind :)  
  
Summary: Oh well, fuck the summary...things didn't go as I planned, so forget some of the accusers and the accuse's.  
  
Previously on THE SEX TRIALS: Harry has just found out that Hermione has been having casualties with a house-elf. Cho is going out with...someone...(muhahaa *chokes* uaaahaa).  
  
1...2...3...ACTION!  
  
"Damnit, when will the third book get here?" Hermione folded her arms across her chest impatiently.  
  
"Err..Mione, we're on air," Harry hissed.  
  
"What? Oh. Okay. So, I've been seeing a house-elf."  
  
"Oh how COULD you, Hermione!" Harry said, waving the sock accusingly. "How could you - we've been going out for a whole SEASON!"  
  
"I got bored. After all, the house-elf is a MUCH satisfying lover. In fact, he's just below my waist, which works to my advantage," Hermione said, looking smug. Like a mug.  
  
"Eurgh," Cho hissed. "That wasn't the line!"  
  
"Oh. Sorry. But you have to admit it was pretty funny..."  
  
"Pretty disgusting," Harry said.  
  
"Yeah, well, I found your...or whoever's boxers while I was having a three way with the house elf and Ginny..."  
  
"YOU WHAT!?" Harry's voice shook. The sock fell from his hand. "YOU SICK, LITTLE - EVEN WHEN I CHEATED ON YOU WITH DRACO, AT LEAST I FELT GUILT- WOOPS."  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"Err...IT WAS JUST ONE TIME! Okay, maybe five times! Or twenty! But I still love you, Hermione! I couldn't help it! He ..." Harry turned away. "Our eyes met across the Qudditch field...and he...straddled his broomstick...I couldn't help it!"  
  
"Okay, this is turning nasty, I have to go out with Pansy," Cho announced. They both looked at her strangely.  
  
"Hey! If you can sleep Draco, and Herm can sleep with a house-elf and Ginny, and someone's pregnant..." her voice trailed off.  
  
"What - what do you mean?" Hermione asked. "What are you talking about?"  
  
Cho gulped nervously. "I - I found a test in the garbage and it was positive...and..."  
  
"Don't look at me," Hermione said.  
  
"What the hell were you looking for in the garbage?" Harry suddenly asked, eyeing Cho.  
  
"Err..." she twiddled her fingers nervously. "Food?"  
  
"Okay, this is getting weird," Hermione whispered. "Let's just leave it here, shall we?"  
  
*  
  
"I mean, Tom Felton is hot, but he'll never compare to..."  
  
"ACTION!"  
  
"Oh, right," Ginny grumbled, standing in position. "So, as I was saying...oh, Seamus! I've been...cheating on you...with...with!"  
  
"With who?" asked Draco and Seamus in unison. Ginny gave Draco a pointed look.  
  
"Why are you still here?"  
  
"Because I want to know," he answered.  
  
"Okay, I've been cheating on you with...with...NEVILLE! Oh!" Ginny sobbed.  
  
"What? That fatass! How could you, Gin?"  
  
"Neville's sweet! And - and - I love his fat ass, unlike your flat one," Ginny scolded.  
  
Before Seamus could argue, the door swung open to the room, which stood Cho, Hermione, Harry, Tubby the House-Elf, and Pansy Parkinson.  
  
"Okay, what the hell is going on here?" Harry yelled. "Who's pregnant?"  
  
"What?" everyone exclaimed.  
  
"I found this!" Cho said dramtically. Cho searched for something in the pocket of her robes and took out a twizzler.  
  
"Oh wait, wrong one...I don't know where it is, but I found a pregnancy test and it WAS positive. Ginny, EXPLAIN YOURSELF!"  
  
Everyone looked at the redheaded female at the corner.  
  
"What!? I use protection all the time!"  
  
"Um...oh, right," Cho said, embarrassed. "Okay, SO who is it! 'Fess up, ya'll!"  
  
"'Ya'll?" Harry raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Oh shut up, scar-head! Everyone knows that scar is fake!"  
  
Harry gasped. "YOU. BITCH." He jumped on her, tackling her.  
  
"Hey!" a voice said. Someone had arrived.  
  
"Hi, it's me, Ron. I came here for no reason," said the freckled boy in the doorway.  
  
"YOU. BITCH!" Hermione gasped, running toward him and started to strangle him. He pulled on her bushy hair.  
  
"I came here for no reason also," said Neville, who had suddenly 'magically' appeared in the room.  
  
"Cool!" Draco said. "YOU. BITCH." He jumped on Neville, and Seamus joined in, wrestling.  
  
"What the fuck? That made no sense whatsoever!" Ginny murmured. Then, looking around, she said, "Oh well. YOU. BITCH!" she jumped on Pansy and started tugging at her hair.  
  
"WAIT! STOP IT! STOP THE MADNESS!" said a squeaky high -pitched voice.  
  
They all stopped, looking at the person who had spoken. It was Tubby.  
  
"We should all learn to care for each other. Love is what matters," he prompted.  
  
Everyone looked at each other and smiled, and hugged.  
  
And that's how the whole Sex Trials crew learned the true meaning of Christmas.  
  
The -  
  
"What the FUCK? That made no sense whatsoever, Devilzzz!" Ginny started to say, but I choked her.  
  
En-  
  
"But...who's pregnant?" Harry stammered. I punched him. Hermione is looking VERY nervous...(Where's my third book?)  
  
The -  
  
"All the ladies out there, I DO have a fat ass!" Seamus announced. I killed him.  
  
End.  
  
Well, flames welcome! I am sure you found this odd, but oh well I found it hilarious, I laughed myself althrough writing it, so hah! I had to end it cuz I wanted to end all important stories before the release of OOTP. Thanks for reading & reviewing!!!  
  
To Be Continued...  
?  
  
No, it won't. Bye! 


End file.
